“If you wan(t) massat (massage), here got goot (good) one,” the concierge tells me.
He hands me a business card with the silhouette of three ladies against a gaudy pink background. On the flipside is a QR code.
“Just scan… happy boom boom time,” he continues with a smile.
I hand him 100 baht for his troubles – for hauling my gear to my room.
“What’s your name?” I ask.
He points to his nametag. I almost break out into a howl.
“GOD?” I ask, incredulously. I never thought I’d be tested by ‘God’ with an offer of some ‘happy boom boom time’ in Hatyai, Thailand of all places.
I close the door after God, dump my gear on the bed, run the bath, and settle in into a deep, warm soak in the tub. The 289.8km run from Aonang to Hatyai had been tiring. The heat had been unbearable, and unrelenting, but thankfully, the clouds emerged from their slumber as we approached Hatyai, and the heavens opened up a bit to provide some much-needed cooling rain.
My time in the tub allowed me to reflect on our trip, thus far. We had logged slightly over 1,000km in five days with nary a scratch. Our biggest hurdle so far was a little puncture on my Kawasaki Versys-X 250, and a full-on blowout on Pravin Menon’s Vespa 150. The tyre was ripped to ribbons, which necessitated a tyre change in Aonang. Fortunately, Pravin and his sister Sunitha were unscathed when the tyre blew. I hope our luck would hold.
I joined my ride buddy Ahmad Razlan Alias (fondly known as Lan) and his wife, Karlin Kayzee Khairudin for dinner, and finalised our ‘go time’ for the border the next day. We figured we’d get an early start to avoid the punishing heat and the crowd at the crossing. The plan was to reach the Thai-Malaysian border at Bukit Kayu Hitam, roughly two hours away, by 10am. We planned to push for George Town, Penang, by 11am at the latest, and reach there by 2pm.
Launch was on time and the ride to the border was as smooth as a baby’s rump. We took our time to admire the beauty of Thailand, to soak up the sights and sounds of this magical kingdom. Border formalities were a breeze, and we went through the checkpoints like warm knife through butter. A check on the clock on my instrument panel showed that we were ahead of schedule.
Once we were ‘in-country’, we headed for the first Shell station we could find in Changlun. We topped up our tanks and decided to take a 10-minute break to chug on some ice-cold refreshments.
Once the last bottle was tossed into the bin, we saddled up, donned our helmets, and fired up the motors. This was going to be a high-speed run, all the way to George Town, 147km away.
The southbound traffic was relatively light, with some congestion near the Gurun toll plaza. The bikes – Lan and Karlin on their 2024 Kawasaki Versys 650, and my Versys-X 250 – tore along with hardly a blip. Lan had just logged his first 1,000km a few days before this trip, and I had already clocked about 4,000km on mine. I came within an eyelash of redlining her at 11,000rpm without realising it, but she never complained or hesitated.
The next thing we knew, we were already on the Penang bridge, making our way downtown. It was a Saturday and the city was packed with cars, bikes, tourists, buses and people – a veritable mad house. I longed for the open highway.
The next day, we met at St Giles Wembley, Penang, where the Malaysia International Miniature Hobby Show 2024 was being held. The show attracts modellers from around the world, showcasing their talents in building and painting scale models. The staples – World War II tanks, aircraft, and ships were all there, as were modern aircraft, ships, tanks, helicopters, and armoured infantry fighting vehicles, set against some eye-popping dioramas. A strong representation was also put up by the Gundam and fantasy builders. The level of perfection, and the attention to detail was astounding.
Despite my affinity to airplanes and scale models, I was itching to get going. After being away from home for eight days, I wanted to be back in my own bed. By noon, Lan, Karlin, and I were on our bikes, thundering down the North-South Highway, headed for Kuala Lumpur.
The ride down was uneventful, save for two guys – one in a white BMW, and the other in a dark blue Volkswagen sports utility vehicle – who had decided to alleviate their boredom by playing chicken with us.
My ‘default setting’ when encountering hoons and tools on the road is to give them a wide berth. No point in sticking around, it’s best to just bug out. As the traffic began to build up near Changkat Jering, I filtered through, leaving the two behind. Gradually, the three-lane traffic crawled to a near-standstill, and I managed to widen the gap even further, until I completely left them behind in the next state.
As we reached Kota Damansara, I bade farewell to Lan and Karlin with the toot of the horn, and plugged the burners for home, 25km away. It was around 6.30pm when I finally put the Versys in the barn, kicked the stand down, and shut her down for the night. Total distance logged – 1,798.6km.
I was physically and mentally beat, my back and shoulders were killing me. And as I lay writhing and groaning on my bed, contemplating my life choices, I realise why I put myself through this. I do it to feel alive.
Now where’s that bottle of Yoko Yoko heat rub?
